hello hot spell! time to don white stockings!?

(originally posted April 30, 2014)

‘it is too hot for april’ said no portlander ever. until me. i normally love myself a good early spring heat wave. but add an eight month pregnant belly, a toddler who must constantly be in motion outdoors, and a prescription for panty hose – ‘hold up, what?’ you say. that’s right. this girl has doctor’s orders to wear prescription strength (did you know they came in that?) thigh-high stockings that span the color spectrum from catholic-primary-school-nun-beige to toddler-snow-white-costume-white – with nothing in between. i always wanted to grow up to be like sr. jerry, but i did not imagine this would be the first way i emulated her. this pill would be so much easier to swallow in sweater layering and thick sock february, but how is it possible to pull these off in shorts and flip flop season? maxi-skirts are the answer in case you find yourself in this pickle. but that doesn’t solve the fact that i’m supposed to be staying off my feet until i heal and/or the baby is born, which is completely laughable with a high-energy toddler and a three-story house, along with vegetables to be chopped for dinner, laundry washed, and a host of nesting errands to run.

how does one go about getting a prescription for geriatric fashion you may ask? step one: get pregnant. step two: pop a blood vein. step three: cry your way to the ER (actually labor and delivery because the ER won’t see pregnant ladies). your tearing eyes will not necessarily be from the pain. more likely because this is the stupidest reason to have to spend the entire night on the labor and delivery floor. then go through tests to make sure you and your baby are not going to die from a blood clot as you make mental lists of who should attend your funeral. pass all said tests. breathe a sigh of relief and there you have it – your prescription for teeny-tiny tights. that is all. no drugs to take; no special stretches to perform or specialists to visit. just put on some panty hose, elevate your legs, and pray for the best.

this whole thing has just been the pits. and then the sun comes out to mock me and my new-found style mandate. so here, now, are some unrelated photos for posterity and the fact that looking at them brings me joy as i sit right here and sit. i just noticed her tongue is sticking out in every one….

bee wants you to see: matching!

bee wants you to see: matching!

bee's sweet new milk-drinking spot on her reproduction bertoia kiddie chair. too big today, but i bet tomorrow she'll be tall enough for it at the rate she's growing. a lady at the library referred to her as godzilla next to her teeny mouse-sized son. not appreciated.

bee’s sweet new milk-drinking spot on her reproduction bertoia kiddie chair. too big today, but i bet tomorrow she’ll be tall enough for it at the rate she’s growing. a lady at the library referred to her as godzilla next to her teeny mouse-sized son. not appreciated.

crazy hair. crazy eyes. crazy personality. that is my baby.

crazy hair. crazy eyes. crazy personality. that is my baby.

and betsy, too.

and betsy, too.

save me mama, with your shirt.

save me mama, with your shirt.

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